kev_bot

09-24-08

What I'm Reading Now: oh, shut up, I know it’s a kid’s book, I’ve been distracted!

Quarter past eight in the morning and it was already hot. Kay dropped me off at the gates to Animal Kingdom like it was my first day of school. Summoning my energy, I dashed toward the gates, already sweating. The old adage holds true: it ain’t the heat, it’s the humidity. For all the greenery, this could well be called The Plant Kindom. I sprayed on my sunblock and marveled at the opening ceremonies – a first for me. What’s the rule at Disney? Always, always, do something new.

At Animal Kingdom, that wasn’t hard. I’ve made it here every visit, but always with the theme park mentality: Hey look, rides! Let’s go on some rides! The intent of Animal Kingdom is a little different, though: like Epcot, it’s designed chiefly for edutainment. Certainly there’s a ride where the Yeti tries to decapitate you, and yes, there’s an attraction where dinosaurs are coming to rend your flesh from bone … but at Animal Kingdom, those things are actually the exception.

I did my touring plans for the morning, though I decided to save Festival of the Lion King for when Joezer got here. I also skipped Kali River Rapids, because at 9:45, it was still damn early, and though I was hot, I didn’t feel like walking around in moist Under Armour until seven that night. Next time: new plan. Bring a full change of clothes and rent a locker.

After the ride stuff (Everest: four times. The advantages of planning and being a single rider), I took some time and did what the park wanted me to do: I explored.


FOUR TIMES! IN A ROW! MY MOUNTAIN!

You know what’s interesting about the Kilimanjaro Safaris? When I first heard about it, I was all, “Bleg. Animal watching is boring and dumb. Give me a ride.” Then I found out that it was themed and there was a whole story, and I jumped on it. Now that I’ve been on the Safari five or six times, guess what? The story’s really distracting. There’s a good message and I still like the bridge “breaking,” but after seeing all these real animals right up close, it’s a little backsliding to end the attraction with an Audio-Animatronic elephant. I mean, there were real elephants out there! And a giraffe, right up close. You guys, seriously. He was reticulating!


Reticulating!

I wandered along the Pangani Forest Exploration Trail and saw gorillas! They were sleeping, but they were right there. I learned that the okapi looks like a zebra, but is actually related to the giraffe. I saw hippos in the water, though thankfully no one tried to put a baby in their mouths. A mean, a hippo will just eat a baby if you mistake it for a bassinette.

Then I did the Maharaja Jungle Trek, and guess what the coolest thing in the whole world is? That’s right: the Malayan Flying Fox. Otherwise known as vampire bats. You guys, these things are humungaloid. Their wings don’t even look real, and they’re huge and I watched two of them fight. Seriously, I watched two mammoth bats just get into a fight over a piece of rope. And bats? Have claws. Did you guys know that? Bats have claws. And yeah, there were tigers and tapirs and stuff, but dude? Bats. (Aside: so, along with the vampire bats, there were also these tiny little golden bats, and when a kid asked about them, the cast member explained that those were the bats in the book Stellaluna. Kids, I had to summon every couth atom in my body not to recite my Stellaluna poem, which I wrote when Tracey and I were working at B. Dalton in the early nineties, and I wasn’t quite twenty-one. We’d gotten a shipment of felt Stellaluna bats because the book was having an anniversary or something, and um. This happened:

My name is Stellaluna and I am a little bat
You can wear me a brooch
Or you can wear me as a hat
I fly around the store
Bringing lots of fun
My name is Stellaluna
And now my song is done.

On the spot, people! On the spot!)


OMG BATS!

Outside the Jungle Trek, entirely randomly, I ran into the family I’d ridden the Tower of Terror ride with the day before. “Hey, you guys!” I called out, waving.

“You’re here, too!” the Dad said. “How about that!”

“Having fun?”

Mom answered. “Having a blast!”

The little girl shouted, “We rode the Everest ride! It was awesome!”

“Isn’t it?!”

We waved goodbye and went our separate ways. I didn’t see them again all weekend, but I bet they kept having a blast. They were just the kind of people to do it.

* * *

Studios again – the Tower had a much longer wait this time; Thursday is an especially busy day at the parks – so I rode Rock N Rollercoaster three times in a row. Who wouldn’t, if they could? I did the Great Movie Ride and this time I only waited in line for fifty minutes at Toy Story Midway Mania. I took in the Beauty and the Beast Stage Show, which was … nice? I guess? But it didn’t really make a whole lot of sense, and the condensing left me puzzled. (After the opening songs, the narrator says, “After a series of strange occurrences, Belle found herself locked in a castle with a Beast, and also talking silverware.” Here’s the same treatment given to Silence of the Lambs: “Clarice was a plucky young FBI student. After a bunch of wacky stuff, she found herself in a house with a serial killer who has a moth fetish. Also, there’s a cannibal!” What!?)

As I clambered aboard the bus, something occurred to me, and not for the first time: I was kind of lonely. Despite all the fun I was having, my high point of the day had been seeing that family from the day before. Familiar faces in a place you love. It’s not that I wasn’t enjoying my solo trip, not at all, but when you’re alone for that long in a place far from home, sometimes it catches up. I was texting like mad. Leaving voicemails. Keeping a tenuous, umbilical connection with back home.

All that was about to change.

* * *

I saw Joezer at Downtown Disney just as the sun was starting to dip … but he saw me first.

Bounding up to him, I grabbed him in a big hug, and it was almost – almost, but not quite – as if it hadn’t been nearly a year since I’d last seen him. He showed me his camera, and for a moment, my thought was, Who’s that hot guy? Is that someone he saw on the road or something? He’s pretty dang… WAIT THAT’S ME! Hello, ego boost!


Joezer's way of giving me a better self-image.

We caught up over a delicious dinner at Earl of Sandwich – does it count as a hidden gem if it’s constantly packed – and then meandered to the West Side to catch up with Brad and Kay, who were delivering my stuff to me. It was a little sad that the last time I saw my Orlando friends, it was in an idling car from which I was hoisting my luggage, all in the gaudy red glow outside the Virgin Megastore. But it’s all okay, though, because December’s not that far away. Not that far at all.

After transferring my stuff to Joezer’s car, we headed toward Pleasure Island Proper, where we laid our tickets down and entered the Adventurer’s Club. I’ve been itching to go ever since my Dad returned from his July trip and couldn’t stop talking about it. “Kungaloosh!” he’d say into my answering machine, and nothing else. “Yo, Kev! Kungaloosh!”

How can I talk about the Adventurer’s Club without cheapening it? Imagine a pristine steampunk fantasy minus the gears and you’ve come close. Steps wound down into sitting room, where all manner of nonsense was going on. Animatronics were talking in real time with ridiculous fellows in 1930s garb. There was a Mask Room. We were all invited into the library to witness the passing of the Balderdash Cup and … you know what? I just can’t. If this were a novel, maybe I’d try in depth to explain why the Adventurer’s Club was the highlight in a trip full of highlights. I did that once in the midst of my virulent Rocky Horror obsession and I think it came across a little less intense than I wanted it to.



But this is a trip report and I just don’t have the words. Period shenanigans, an immersive environment, and the best type of improv you’re ever likely to see: the Adventurer’s Club. Jesus, I want to go back. Kungaloosh!

(Side note: on Thursday night, the Club was so packed it was hard to move. At the end of the month, they’re tearing it down. Why? Because it’s not popular. Sometimes, Disney. Sometimes.)

Tired and – in my case, at least – a bit tipsy, we headed back to the hotel. It was nearly one and my plan was to be at the Studios first thing in the morning. This is because I’m dangerously insane.

Drifting off, I was just glad that Joe was here, and that for the first time this weekend, I wouldn’t be riding alone.

Kev